The Boy I Can't Forget

There was a boy I met in January. I fell hopelessly in love with him. My God, I can't stop thinking of him. Yesterday, that is who I thought of for the 5 hours I was in the tub. Probably, because the 2 days we spent together at a hotel, we took so many fun baths together. We would run a bath like every couple of hours and put bubble bath that smelled like the ocean. His name is CJ. I should not have fallen so hard for him, but I didn't mean to. It just happened, and I don't completely understand it. I felt like he was my soulmate. Will I ever forget him? I don't think so. Will I ever see him again? I hope so, but a part of me doesn't really think so. He was so beautiful. He has brown hair. It was short, but he said he looks really good when it grows long. I met him in the Psych ward. We had so much fun. We ran outside like we were kids, chasing eachother. We would sneak kisses and anything else we could get away with there, but all along we wanted eachother so much. Then when I got out, and then I called and somehow got him out. He walked up University Avenue, and I barely got there fast enough, walking from my house and I screamed his name and then he finally heard me and we ran for eachother. We got in touch with my cousin and she brought my weed and my money and my pills, and we got her to take us to the local LaQuinta on FairPark. We had the gas station right there. It was so perfect. We had 2 full nights of wonderful passion. He was only 20. I am 32, so he was quite young to me, and what a beautiful body! I wish I could find him now. I lost him. He had to go back to the hospital, because I didn't have anywhere for him to stay during that time, and then he got shipped off and then we lost touch, and now I don't know where he went. It's been a long time since we've spoken. Both of us were going through lots of stuff during some of that time, so it was hard to keep in touch, but now I want to find him, but I can't. I remember, we would eat oranges, and get high. Take baths and watch Disney Channel. We would get out of the bath and run to the bed and make love wet all over the bed until we were dry. Then we would go for a walk or take a nap. We always were laughing, because he was so funny and I can be pretty funny if I am around someone funny. So we constantly were laughing and joking around. He made me so happy! We talked about getting married. I would have married him if I had my own house then, but my gp's wouldn't let him come home with me then, but now I have my own money, and plenty of money for us to live on, so if I could just find him now, we could move out or live here and be so happy together. I still love him. He told me that our song was Rascal Flatts "These Days". He loves Adam Sandler. He can dance really good. He's tall. He told me he loved it that I had a daughter. He didn't think he could ever have kids. I know it all sounds crazy. I met him at the Psych Ward and all, that is where we met and got to know eachother. We became friends. We talked a lot. We fell in like and then in lust and then in infatuation, and then over the next few weeks over the phone, in love. But I know what I know, and he was real. I know in my soul that he was good, CJ. R. I miss him. I love him. It's sad I guess that I haven't moved on, and he I am sure has, but I haven't met anyone that I want to move on for. What's the point? When I do, I suppose I will too. I don't cry over him, or get all crazy over him or anything, I just think of him. He's who I love. He is who I had some of the most fun I have ever had with. He made me happier than any person ever has, because I could really be myself with him and he liked my anyway. He made me laugh harder than I have in such a long time. I missed laughing that hard. I miss it now. We truly had a great time, and I miss it. He made me feel pretty and sexy and young. He was so sweet. I wish that I had been financially stable at the time. If I had, he may be with me now. I guess I am more lonely than I realized. I just miss him, and my heart still belongs to him. I am obsessing now. I need to stop and get my chores done. I'd like to think that he thinks of me every now and then.