didn't see it coming. Now, I am on my trusty little laptop when I wake up,
when I get bored, when I watch TV, when my daughter is napping, and in the
evening after she goes to bed. The problem is, I end up staying up
freakishly late. I have had insomnia my entire life. Like seriously, even
when I was four, I remember not sleeping well. So this has always been a big
issue for me, not to mention a thorn in my side. The sleep issue was
improving a little for the past month. I had started going to bed at a
reasonable time. Even if I could not go to sleep, I would still go to bed.
That is when I was not on the computer and that is when the blogging did not
happen. It just happened to be the day after I started my blog. That is
really hard for me to do, because my mind does the game of "what if this
happens?" and the worst-case scenerios play out in my head and I can see
terrible scenes happening to me or people I love and it's awful, so I try to
keep the TV on or something to cope with that. It is very unhealthy, and
probably not at all normal, but that is how I have coped since I was a kid,
and I know nothing else. It is something I don't tell people. One of my best
friends (I have two, but they don't know the depth of the deepest, darkest
Beauty) anyway I will call my friend, Miss Good Buddy, for now, when I spend
the night at her house, as I have been doing for the past 16 years, she
knows that I need a TV. I don't have to have cable. I just have to watch
something. Chinese folk music, the Spanish news, River Dancing, I don't care
~ just get my mind free of the crap that "haunts me in the night" and I am
okay. Well, you get the point.
So, my mood has been increasingly funky. I need to get myself together and
get a shower. Tonight, I am taking my little daughter (almost 2 in Dec.) to
church tricker treating, while I go to church Bible Study Class. It is cool,
because they have it in the same building. My faith is important to me,
because I know God does perform miracles in my life. This is not a sermon. I
am just so thankful for my daughter. I was married in 2001, left my husband
in 2003, and I got pregnant in 2004. My ex is not the father. My
ex-boyfriend before my husband is the father. Too bad he turned out to be a
really poor example for a human being. No child support yet, and he made 42
thousand the year she was born. That is an entire other rant/blog. I had a
lot of health problems when I was pregnant, and she was nearly 6 weeks
early, but she was only in the NICU for 3 1/2 weeks. I was in there too, for
heart problems from the toxemia and stuff. We survived, and she is so
awesome. I need to go get her right now. No time for spell check. Have a
great day!
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